Let's Start Living For Tomorrow | Savifrost Fic

Sipping on a cup of eggnog that definitely had more kick to it than he remembered, Savitar let the noise of the crowd wash over him.

From where he stood, leaning casually against the arch between the living room and entry area, he had a decent view of the West family home as Team Flash celebrated their annual Christmas party. It was a few days late this year — thanks to an impromptu reunion of the latest iteration of Rogues — but that didn’t seem to be dampening anyone’s holiday spirit.

Most of the family was gathered around the living room as they played the most chaotic game of charades he’d ever seen. Cisco was currently taking his turn, though his movements were clearly being hindered by his own consumption of eggnog throughout the evening. Everyone else was laughing and throwing out one insane guess after another. Even Harry was getting into the fray, despite technically being on the other team.

Cecile and Joe weren’t actively playing, having separated themselves a bit from the confusion and settled into an oversized armchair to watch. Baby Jenna was sitting nearby in her playpen, giggling along with her uncles and aunts.

Savitar’s gaze moved over to land on the dining room, where two more members of the family had taken refuge from the chaos. Barry was leaning against one side of the doorway with a mug of cocoa in hand, his other arm wrapped around his wife tucked in against his side. Iris had her own mug clutched in her hands as she leaned into her husband’s embrace and occasionally called out her own guesses for the charades.

For the longest time, seeing the two of them so close would send a sharp pain piercing deep inside him. It was like watching a piece of himself ripped out and trying to exist without the rest of him. Over time, though, the pain eased into more of a dull ache, and even that began to fade. Time doesn’t heel all wounds, but sometimes it could make the memories a little less vivid and a little less painful.

Over on the couch, Caitlin turned around suddenly and seemed to notice him standing apart, as if he hadn’t been lurking there the whole evening. She smiled encouragingly and motioned to the seat beside her.

It was a sweet invitation, and he really did appreciate the effort, but he knew better than to accept. He nodded his thanks and even managed a smile to reassure her that he was content where he was. Accepting this, she turned her attention back to the game.

It was nice of Caitlin — she and her sister were the only two that went out of their way to make him feel more like a part of the team — but he knew exactly how far to go when it came to integrating himself into their lives. There was always going to be an invisible line there, and as long as he never crossed it, he could pretend that it didn’t exist and everything was fine.

At least days like this were easier now that his place here was a little more clearly defined. It certainly hadn’t been that way when he and Frost had first joined the team.

Their first few holidays together had been as awkward as expected. Back then, it was clear everyone was trying to be okay with the newest additions to the group, but were far from actually accepting them yet. Thankfully, the strangeness of the situation eventually faded and, with it, the need for any forced niceties. Savitar and Frost had gone above and beyond to prove themselves to the team. Someday they may even be considered a real part of the family. Maybe. For now, it was enough that they were no longer the outsiders, having to fight for every small bit of respect.

Trust, Savitar realized, is a lot like time itself. Easily broken with the smallest thoughtless action, and impossible to truly put back together again. He didn’t blame the others for the fact that he would never be able to have their full trust. His situation was at least partly his own making — insanity from the Speed Force aside — and he was resigned to living with the consequences. That didn’t make it any less lonely, though.

A small hand slipped into his, the pale skin cool and delicate against his own callouses. The touch surprised him out of his musings. He’d been too distracted to notice her leave her sister’s side.

Stepping in front of his field of vision, their hands still entwined, Frost peered up at him with that mischievous little smirk of hers. She tapped one manicured fingernail against his forehead, standing on tiptoes to reach properly. “What’s going on in that big brain of yours now, Vader?”

He smiled, a small laugh pushing its way out before he could catch himself. She had a way of doing that; her irreverent humor catching him off guard. Before they’d started… well, not dating exactly, but whatever this weird not-quite-relationship of theirs was, he’d almost forgotten what it felt like to laugh.

“Nothing important,” he said. “Thinking too much about the past, I guess.”

“I know the feeling.” Her hand squeezed his a little tighter for a second. “Maybe it’s time we both stopped doing that. As one of Caity’s sappy inspirational posters says, you can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.”

“Since when are you such an optimist,” he teased.

Frost shrugged. “I’m trying something new. Maybe it’s the New Year spirit getting to me.” She stepped a little closer, tilting her chin up to look him in the eyes. “Or maybe someone made me start wondering if it’s time to stop worrying about yesterday and start thinking about tomorrow.”

Savitar’s eyes slid away from hers long enough to sweep the room self-consciously. He needn’t have bothered; no one was paying them any attention. Barry and Iris were chatting quietly in the dining room, and the others were still noisily engaged in their game.

Daring to let his walls slide down a crack, just enough to let one person sneak through, he smiled down at her. “Meaning?”

Her hand released his to rest against his face instead, her fingers teasing along the edge of his scars. “Meaning, I’m willing to start making some New Year’s resolutions if you are. That is, if you’re ready to let go of the whole dark edgelord persona. I can appreciate a moody aesthetic, but not when it reaches comic book villain levels.”

“You’re one to talk,” he huffed, but it was more in amusement than irritation. “Alright, Ice Queen, what’s the first step to this whole resolution thing?”

Frost cocked her head, shrugging in that uniquely flirty way she had. “Who knows? I’m gonna be taking this one day at a time and see what tomorrow brings. In the meantime, though…” She raised one blue-polished nail to point at the beam overhead.

Savitar’s glance flicked upward to catch sight of the bit of greenery hanging there with a festive bow wrapped around it. He hadn’t even noticed the sprig of mistletoe when he’d taken up position under it, but he was acutely aware of its presence now.

Frost stepped closer, crowding into his space in a way he’d never allow the others to do. Her chest almost flush with his, she popped up onto tiptoes to bring her face closer to his.

“I think,” she said, voice low and breath ghosting against his skin, “there’s another holiday tradition you’re ignoring.”

This time, he didn’t bother glancing around to make sure they didn’t have an audience. He didn’t care. His hands came up to cup her face. He pulled her in gently until their lips brushed each others. Apparently getting all the reassurance she needed, Frost pressed in, her fingers threading through his hair as she tugged him down closer to her own height.

Around them, the sounds of their teammates partying continued to fill the house. And for the first time, Savitar didn’t feel isolated from it all. For the first time, he had someone else in that little bubble with him.

And that, he decided, was more than enough.

Thank you for reading! If you would like to contact the author, please visit my tumblr or dreamwidth.