Are We Saying Hello Or Goodbye?
by pebble/scifipony
Fandom: Eureka
Characters: Jo Lupo, Zane Donovan
Words: 1,799
Tags: Romance, Heavy Angst, Missing Scene
Warnings: Implied Sexual Content
Author's Notes: A tag scene for the end of episode 4x12 "Reprise".
Jo tried to ignore the hurt expression on Zane's face as she pulled away and turned to leave. This was for the best, for both of them. She spent six months learning to let go of that tantalizing "what if" that hung over their heads, now it was time for him to do the same.
Her boots crunched over broken glass, the smell of smoke wafting up in an insulting reminder that the universe really was out to get her.
It had already taken her job, her fiance, and her life as she'd known it. Was it too much to ask that she at least get to keep the house? Apparently so.
She barely took a few steps before a hand snagged her wrist. It wasn't a firm grip, and Jo could have pulled away from it if she'd wanted to. She was frustrated to find that she didn't particularly want to.
Swallowing her annoyance, Jo turned back to face him. Waiting for him to make some dumb remark or inappropriate joke about the whole situation. Because of course her feelings were all some hilarious game to him.
Only he didn't say a word.
Instead, he stepped closer and leaned down, movements decisive and sure. His lips met hers and she felt a rush that was both welcome and painful in its familiarity.
Jo parted her own lips, deepening the kiss, one hand going to the back of his head to bring him closer. His hands drifted to her hips, pulling her against him as they lost themselves in the feel of each other.
For a moment, she could forget that this wasn't real. She could forget that this wasn't the same man she had fallen in love with, the man she'd been prepared to marry and spend the rest of her life with. For one beautiful moment, she was kissing Zane and the past six months had never happened.
But, of course, that sensible part of her brain had to kick back in and ruin it. Because this wasn't her fiance. He looked the same, but it wasn't him. This suddenly felt so wrong.
Breaking the kiss, Jo leaned back, not fully stepping out of his grip but still making it clear this wasn't going any farther.
Opposing feelings warred within her.
This was a mistake and she knew it. She couldn't give in to this… whatever this was. This bizarre electricity that sparked between them every time they were near each other — magnetizing them in a way that made it impossible not to be drawn together.
But she so badly wanted to ignore common sense right now. Just this once, she wanted to live in the moment and not care about the consequences. She could regret this all she wanted in the morning. As long as she had one last night with the man she loved.
And was there really any harm in that? She'd been trapped, unable to fully move on, and maybe this was why. She never had any closure over their relationship. It had been taken from her without consent — taking a vital piece of herself with it. Now she had a chance to say a proper goodbye to what she was being forced to leave behind.
Not wanting to let herself change her mind, Jo closed the distance between them again. Her movements were more desperate this time, needing to feel him and hold him close.
This time, it was Zane who pulled away first. His hands tightened around her sides, holding her back from trying to move in again.
She looked up to find a pair of stormy grey eyes staring back down. Her breath caught at the raw emotions she could read in that gaze.
Seeing the hurt and confusion in his eyes made her angry. Or maybe it was that spark of hope, tempered by an equal amount of fear. She'd been stuck in that same state for months; constantly caught between not daring to hope and wanting so much to believe. It hurt to see those same emotions from him now. This would be so much easier if she could pretend that it wouldn't mean anything to him. Let this be one night to get it out of their systems, and then they could both move on and forget about each other.
That's all she wanted right now. She wanted to ignore the ache in her chest and pretend that she didn't still want that future that had been cruelly ripped away from them.
"Jo…" he said, voice hoarse. "Please. I just need the truth."
The anger bubbled up again. Why couldn't anything with him ever be simple? He was the king of one night stands. Why couldn't he let this be just another one of those? Just another victory to gloat about in the morning. Why did he suddenly have to care so much?
Her shoulders lowered and she exhaled her frustrations. He did deserve to know the truth about them. After all, he was as much an innocent victim as she was.
"We were in love," she admitted, the words bringing a stinging moisture to her eyes. She blinked it away. She was not going to cry. "He proposed to me."
"Yeah, I kinda figured that part out."
Which made sense, considering how she accidentally threw the engagement ring in his face a few weeks ago.
"So why are you so sure there can't be anything between us now?"
Because you're not him. Because I lost him and I'm terrified of losing you, too. Because I can't fall in love only to lose it all over again.
"Because we didn't work, not really," Jo said, unable to meet his eyes. "We were just fooling ourselves into thinking we could."
Having said it so many times now, she found she could almost believe it herself.
It would be easier to believe, though, if she wasn't currently standing so close to him she could feel his breath against her skin and his heartbeat under her hands. And if she wasn't easily able to see the want in his eyes, matching her own feelings so perfectly.
"Whatever we might have had," she said roughly, "it's over."
"So what are we doing exactly?" he asked, the hint of amusement in his voice showing how much he believed her statement.
Her hands came back up, cupping his face, her thumb running along his cheekbone. "Saying goodbye," she stated simply.
Not wanting to give him room to argue, she captured his mouth with her own. And it must have worked, given how eagerly he dropped the conversation to respond.
When they finally broke for air, foreheads touching as they leaned against each other, Zane smiled at her with that cocky grin she both loved and hated.
"I think we'd better move to a more private location," he said a bit breathlessly. "As comfortable as Carter's jail cell is, I've seen more than enough of it for one lifetime."
She smirked up at him, letting a hand wander under his shirt teasingly. "And here I thought you were all about breaking the rules."
"Breaking rules, yes. Getting caught for it, not so much."
He pulled her hand off, holding it in his own as they picked their way out of the charred remains of the house. He looped an arm around her, hand settling at the small of her back. Jo leaned into his side and let him guide them back to the road.
Jo climbed into her car and started the engine as Zane settled into the passenger seat. It was only then that she realized they needed a destination.
A heat rising in her cheeks, she cleared her throat before saying, "I'd prefer not to go back to the bunker. Don't want anyone to think—"
"Yeah. I get it." His expression tightened but he didn't say what he so obviously wanted to. She couldn't blame him, either. But there was too much risk of SARAH telling Carter or Andy about this. The last thing Jo wanted was for half the town to be gossiping about something that was supposed to be a one time thing. Thankfully, Zane gave her directions to his apartment and stayed silent as she drove there.
Stepping into the tiny apartment, Jo's curiosity got the best of her. She couldn't help wanting to get a better sense of who he was when he left work each day.
It was a surprise to find the place lacking any sort of personal touch. Besides a couch and TV, the only other piece of furniture in the main room was a table, which was currently covered in blueprints and assorted bits and pieces from what had to be at least a dozen different engineering projects. A half-built computer sat in one corner beside a weight set and some exercise equipment.
There were no signs of his personality anywhere. Jo found herself automatically thinking of the old Zane's apartment, with its movie posters, geek collection, and lava lamps. It felt lived in, whereas this place felt more like a temporary stopover than a home. It was another testament to how little he felt welcomed in this town.
Her musings were cut short as Zane stepped up behind her. His arms wrapped around her and he leaned down to kiss the back of her neck. Smiling, Jo turned around in his arms, standing on tiptoe to return the kiss.
They worked their way into the bedroom as their movements turned more heated and desperate. Jo tugged her hair from its ponytail as they landed on the mattress, smiling again as his eyes lit up at the sight. The other version of him had also preferred her hair down. He threaded a hand into her hair as he leaned in to kiss along her jawline and down her throat.
Jo let herself forget everything else as she gave in to her feelings for once.
She stubbornly ignored the voice that insisted this wasn't real and that it would be over by morning.
She tried not to notice the obvious differences in body language as they melted into each other's embrace. His eager and exploratory touches, compared to her more somber movements. She was savoring this last time together while he was caught up in the excitement of their first time.
She vainly tried to push aside the guilt that gnawed at her from that observation. This was supposed to be about living in the moment. It was about finding closure.
Even though she was pretty sure she could fall in love with him all over again if she'd only let herself. Even though he seemed to already be halfway there without her.
Even though he was still saying hello while she was saying goodbye.